Under the Microscope

I'm back in therapy for the first time in years. In a way it's a little strange since things are going so well at the moment. But in a way it was the only choice I had. I started going through the ups and downs I've had, and realized they were entirely situational, but also highly cyclic. I've described the last depressive episode in enough detail not to have to go back through it in this post. To make a long story short, I never ever want to go there again. If these are cyclic, I need to know now so I can take measures to make sure it never happens. If they're cyclic, I need to know how to heal my wounds from the last one and learn to see the signposts well enough never to go there again.

I was a little skeptical at first. Most of the doctors I've been to, with one notable exception, have been pill doctors. This isn't what I'm after, obviously. I'm after answers to questions. So imagine my surprise when I wound up with a holistic psychiatrist. I think I must've found one of about four in the world. It's an interesting change.

All in all it is being a good experience. In a way this doctor reminds me of the other non-pill doctor I've been to, a counselor. Both of them are incredibly intense individuals. Both appear to be hard-core diggers. Both are masters of directing a conversation. It's been an eye-opening experience not only to find out more about myself, but also to see with what skill this doctor can steer the topic.

In this last session we touched on my last depressive episode. I haven't talked about it in years, except for what I've written here in previous posts. It was odd to revisit some of the events and circumstances that lead up to it. It was nice to have an audience who didn't respond with pity or sympathy, but with very direct questions. I'm already gaining new perspectives on my own experiences, not all of them negative.

I'm unwilling to share more at this point. I'm still processing too much information to have drawn any conclusions yet. Time will tell for this, too.