Less Interruption, Less Sound
This most recent depressive peak seems to be tapering off. I'm able to smile on a moment's notice. I can laugh at jokes. I can even make jokes again. This is encouraging. It's not perfect, mind you. I had another crash today I'm working my way back out of. But it's encouraging. I'll take what I can get.
Something else has cropped up, however. My earlier suspicions of CAPD are coming back. Nothing is different with me hearing-wise, but enough has changed with my situation at work that being able to understand verbal commands in a noisy environment has become a requirement. Unfortunately it's a requirement I can't meet.
I let the folks at work know the circumstances under which I can't hear, and told them my concerns about safety that my hearing problems may be causing. They were more than receptive, thank goodness. I think there are some things that can be done to alleviate the problem, but in the mean time I'm trying to arrange a full blown APD hearing test. I'm finding that it's not easy.
My GP referred me to a hearing specialist. They kicked the referral back, saying I had to visit an ear-nose-throat doctor first before they would see me. So now I'm back to the GP trying to get a referral for an ENT doctor. They leave voicemail, I leave voicemail. The wheels on the bus go round and round... round and round... round and round...
I'm looking forward to getting to the bottom of this, at least. From the reading I've done there isn't much I can do to improve the situation. But simply knowing would be nice. And if it means I need to change my work responsibilities, so be it. But at least I wouldn't be doing it from a position of ignorance.
As for the depression, who can tell. On a whim I decided to make an overall mood chart from birth 'till now. It was eerie. With the exception of college, which is a confusing time by anyone's standards, there's a strong three year cyclic pattern starting in tenth grade and continuing until now. Oddly enough, I'm in the middle of the depressive part of the cycle right now. Who'd have guessed?
What was more interesting, in some ways, was jotting down the anecdotes that let me know what kind of a mood I was in at the time. About three cycles back I remembered walking down a hallway at work and knowing that if I was angry enough I could walk through walls. I knew that my anger could project me straight through the wall. I know that must seem outlandish. It does to me now. But at the time it didn't seem outlandish at all. It made perfect sense, even in the face of everything I had learned getting my degree (in science), and a lifetime of experience.
I wish ignorance really was bliss, and that I could just throw the chart away with a casual "Oh well! That was fun!" But what's done is done. There's no forgetting it now.
Something else has cropped up, however. My earlier suspicions of CAPD are coming back. Nothing is different with me hearing-wise, but enough has changed with my situation at work that being able to understand verbal commands in a noisy environment has become a requirement. Unfortunately it's a requirement I can't meet.
I let the folks at work know the circumstances under which I can't hear, and told them my concerns about safety that my hearing problems may be causing. They were more than receptive, thank goodness. I think there are some things that can be done to alleviate the problem, but in the mean time I'm trying to arrange a full blown APD hearing test. I'm finding that it's not easy.
My GP referred me to a hearing specialist. They kicked the referral back, saying I had to visit an ear-nose-throat doctor first before they would see me. So now I'm back to the GP trying to get a referral for an ENT doctor. They leave voicemail, I leave voicemail. The wheels on the bus go round and round... round and round... round and round...
I'm looking forward to getting to the bottom of this, at least. From the reading I've done there isn't much I can do to improve the situation. But simply knowing would be nice. And if it means I need to change my work responsibilities, so be it. But at least I wouldn't be doing it from a position of ignorance.
As for the depression, who can tell. On a whim I decided to make an overall mood chart from birth 'till now. It was eerie. With the exception of college, which is a confusing time by anyone's standards, there's a strong three year cyclic pattern starting in tenth grade and continuing until now. Oddly enough, I'm in the middle of the depressive part of the cycle right now. Who'd have guessed?
What was more interesting, in some ways, was jotting down the anecdotes that let me know what kind of a mood I was in at the time. About three cycles back I remembered walking down a hallway at work and knowing that if I was angry enough I could walk through walls. I knew that my anger could project me straight through the wall. I know that must seem outlandish. It does to me now. But at the time it didn't seem outlandish at all. It made perfect sense, even in the face of everything I had learned getting my degree (in science), and a lifetime of experience.
I wish ignorance really was bliss, and that I could just throw the chart away with a casual "Oh well! That was fun!" But what's done is done. There's no forgetting it now.
posted by pencil at 2:12 PM
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