Auditory Overload (Again)

I'm asocial. I know this, and don't have a problem with it. I like to go home and write in the evenings. I like to go carting off to do photography by myself on the weekends. But sometimes things happen that make it so the comfy route isn't the right one. This was one of those times.

There was a party. I had to go. I'm glad I did, but it was a party, you know? Music, people, talking... overload. I wound up talking to someone who kept speaking more and more softly, so I kept leaning forward, trying to hear (and not succeeding) and doing my best to lip-read (he kept holding a cup in front of his mouth). At one point I think I nodded to the wrong thing, because he got this confused look on his face and acted like I'd done something horrible. I have no clue. I couldn't understand what he said next, anyway.

Between straining to understand every word and doing my best not to tic in a way that would put people on edge, I'm exhausted. I can't understand a thing anyone is saying at this point, and I just want to curl up in a corner and tic for a while in peace.

I hope I get a chance to get out and do a little photography this weekend. At any rate I'm planning on doing some writing tonight. I need a break.

- Pencil

Nowhere Left to Scream

There is nowhere left to scream any more. Nowhere left to just throw things, just to express frustration. Nowhere safe.

I live in an apartment. If I scream, neighbors call the police. I work in an office. If I scream, co-workers call the police. If I go off into the woods to scream, someone will notice. Someone will call the police.

I'm not crazy. I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I want to let some of this out. I do not have the words to express myself through writing or speech. The words that rush to the surface are all foul, dirty things that are said with a great deal of spit and damage to the vocal cords. They're words that make people think, "insane." Words that make doctors think, "dangerous." Words that don't even come close to expressing what I feel because they're not the right ones. But they're the only ones I have.

I need to go scream somewhere without anyone taking it amiss. I'm not going to turn into some serial killer. I just want to scream. I'm not doing it to scare people. I'm doing it because holding it in isn't helping. I'm not doing it because I actually want to act on my anger and frustration.

I just want to scream.

And there's nowhere left to do it.

While On Cameras

While I'm on the topic of cameras, a friend of mine recently showed me some neat software I'm hoping to use in the near future. My friend is an amateur astronomer. What this boils down to for him is that he is willing to spend his own time and money to produce some fantastic astrophotos, both with film and electronic detectors. Naturally photo software comes into play.

Without getting into the distinction between professional and amateur astronomers (which has more to do with being paid, being published, and getting tenure than it does skill level), both tend to use similar software for similar ends. IRAF, used for well over a decade by both professionals and amateurs, has been bolstered by other additions to the software toolbox. One of these is IRIS. It duplicates some of the functionality of IRAF, and adds additional functionality that an amateur astronomer might make use of but that a professional astronomer, in the course of their work, would not.

Luckily, the authors of IRIS have several tutorials on their web site, so you can get a good idea of what the software can do before you download and install it. (Yes, it's free.) One tutorial in particular shows how to take a digital camera on a fixed tripod, take a series of images of the night sky while pointing in the same direction, and then use IRIS to align them so they can be co-added. The alignment process takes out all of the rotation and translation that happens because of the earth's rotation. The end result is that without a tracking equatorial mount, you can do a long duration wide-field image of the night sky. The resulting image from the tutorial is stunning.

I have the good fortune to live where there are almost no city lights. The stars at night truly are big and bright, even if I am not deep in the heart of Texas. I can't wait to try this trick out for myself, and see what kinds of images I can produce. At the very least I'm hoping to get a nice stacked image of the Milky Way. But I'd like to try my hand at Andromeda and Orion.

Too bad it's overcast. Maybe later this week. Ah well.

-- Pencil